Bad Blend

I scribbled this down one night while seething in anger. I am looking at it now and it is difficult to read my own handwriting when in that state, but I finally made out the words…here goes.

Bad Blend

My world is my mind,

My life lives in three hearts

My cubbyhole is a box

In which I shall not depart

Although I peek outside

Every now and then

My senses become numb

And can’t say ‘stop’ or ‘when’

Don’t do that again!

After the fire, there are no ashes,

The ‘calm’ disintegrates

I don’t see what I see…

Sad truths are instantly erased

But appeasement

Follows and soothing words sweep up like a broom

The reality of what went wrong

Keeps me from darkest darkness;  impending doom

Though not entranced by shiny objects – rings and things, they all glisten

From sticks to bricks – they all hurt

Except for when I don’t listen

Staying the course can be a many splendor thing

But if not careful, splinters pierce veins

This pain deeply stings

I forgive, but cannot forget

Forgetting is graciously God’s elected job

I am relieved to know that this truth is set

While I without fear violently rob

The thief that comes in

To steal, kill, and destroy

The circle of my love, washed in anxiety

Somehow I maintain naturally induced joy

The spigot of eternity awaits me through dogged faith

I shall remain bold

For fear of becoming lukewarm

As opposed to keeping myself hot and from turning cold

There is a river that flows continually from within

Please let it do what it does –

Undisturbed

To avoid creating new sin

 

This was a little weird for me…I’m still not sure what I was actually trying to express, but I do know that it came from deep inside a burning heart and a mind that was filled with anger and hope all in one mixed up package.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Aside

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. devynstella
    Aug 21, 2013 @ 11:14:13

    oh but you just bring tears of joy in my heart. its good to know that life is not always good neither is it always bad for all of us. poetry is something close to my heart and every time I read a good poem, it just touches my soul.

    #MoreLove

    Reply

    • Charlene Woodley
      Aug 21, 2013 @ 14:40:01

      It is true – we all have our ups and downs and sometimes the downs seem to overtake the ups but we all deal with it in our own way. I am glad to have found writing as my way, thank you devynstella. ❤

      Reply

  2. buildingalifeofhope
    Aug 21, 2013 @ 22:14:24

    No need to explain or even try to figure out where it came from or what you were trying to express. It was there and needed to come out. I have been dealing with a bit of mixed emotions this month. Writing is the one way that straightens them out in a healthy way for me. Lucky for us we have words to express them!

    Reply

  3. Christy Birmingham
    Aug 24, 2013 @ 01:35:02

    I can feel the anger and the desire to move forward – wishing you a weekend of calmness, dear Charlene xo

    Reply

  4. lscotthoughts
    Aug 27, 2013 @ 04:37:18

    I don’t think explanation is necessary either, Charlene, because everyone’s perception is different, too. Your poem is beautiful and I can feel your mixed emotions and also relate deeply to them. I love these lines, which to me, evoke hope…”Somehow I maintain naturally induced joy
    The spigot of eternity awaits me through dogged faith”
    Have a wonderful evening!

    Reply

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