Standing disoriented in the middle of nowhere
Wishing that I had been available for someone – anyone to care
But as I stand in wherever I know that I am alone
Having no place to truly call friendly – except mostly in my home
Because of my actions accompanied by a bad attitude
Not realizing the hurt of others while my disdain exudes
Negativity
I can’t see the forest for that giant tree
It seems to enjoy taunting…intimidating me
So much that I beg to be free
From the pain that I cause and the pain that I feel
Should my life move on now or forever be still
Will there ever by some miracle come another day
When forgiveness finally sinks in and ultimately makes its way
Into the hearts of the broken…retaliatory yet strong but not mean
Will we ever be witness to the real or just an idea of what it seems
To be in the now at a moment not captured in time
Shall I grotesquely err, or ultimately fall in line
With the mentality and routine of the judgemental masses
Or shall I obediently remain under the category of asses
Who cannot find or refuse to search out or travel their own winding path
Is it really us or them – somebody please do the math
Because I am stuck between a rock and a very hard place
In fear of revealing the shape of my body or the shame on my face
Due to the absence of ample self-esteem
Thinking that only therapists and patients understand what I mean
Deep down and in truth I embrace the better for sure
Knowing that it is solely my mind’s life – the victor holding the cure
For what I subconsciously dive headlong and choose to delve in
Sometimes it seems easier than fighting, pressing, and struggling to win
But putting all aside and being honest with myself
I find no importance in high status, pedigree or wealth
Happiness and peace are my true main goals
As my heart aches silently while sanity unfolds
Despite it all, I press on for a brighter day
Rolling with the punches – hearing my self say
It could be worse so be thankful for how it is
The self-menace quietly bears the load but freely opts in and still gives.
I’m not sure where this came from – it just came out, but in hopes that you will be inspired by this or some other, keep on in whatever you do!
Thanks for reading.
Jun 23, 2013 @ 05:39:32
I LOVE YOU! I’ve been battling with this, convoluted, tired, angry and powerless. this has got to be the best thing to my life right now. you are the best 🙂
Jun 23, 2013 @ 06:10:50
I am SO humbled by your comment as I truly look up to you and your writing. I am glad to have been able to touch your heart in some way…after all, this is one of the main purposes for what we do, but to be honest, after I was done writing, I didn’t even know if I wanted to hit the publish button because the poem seemed so dark. I do that quite a bit because I feel that way a lot so I went ahead and published, but thanks to you, I know that I did the right thing. THANKS and love you too! 🙂
Jun 23, 2013 @ 07:14:51
I totally get where you are coming from with this poem, Charlene. It’s the battle of trying to remember to be grateful but also getting into slumps of negative thinking. I’m pleased that at the end of the piece here it is the positive thought that wins! 🙂
Jun 23, 2013 @ 07:34:41
Thank you. We all have to look for that light at the end of the tunnel! 🙂
Jun 23, 2013 @ 12:32:29
I know the hesitation that comes with clicking the public button. however, this was the best move. 🙂
Much Love
Jun 23, 2013 @ 12:44:50
Keep writing even if you hit that writers block called me . Or us sometimes proud of you keep up the good work .:-)
Jun 23, 2013 @ 20:33:00
Well, what a surprise! Thank you dear husband…I will definitely keep your words in mind. Even when you become my ‘block’ you are still my rock and I deeply appreciate your support! 🙂
Jun 23, 2013 @ 12:56:52
I loved this. Every word. I was moved by this, truly moved, and felt the pain, frustration, but also hope and strength.
Jun 23, 2013 @ 20:09:30
Your comment means a great deal to me as we identify with each other on so many issues. The way in which you express your own pain, frustration, and strength truly inspires me. You put it out there and you do it beautifully. I also love the way that you can tell when I’m having ‘one of those days’ and I am so glad that I overcame my apprehension about publishing this post. Never let go of the hope and much love! 🙂
Jun 23, 2013 @ 22:28:29
This a huge statement born of gut honesty. The muse is burning strong!
Jun 23, 2013 @ 22:35:29
Your manner of encouragement is a beautifully wondrous force that I embrace gratefully – THANKS!
Jun 29, 2013 @ 02:42:11
“Is it really us or them – somebody please do the math
Because I am stuck between a rock and a very hard place
In fear of revealing the shape of my body or the shame on my face”
I read this the other day and just came back to it, your voice rings so strong and true. This passage especially called out to me. Keep listening and writing!
Jun 29, 2013 @ 04:30:22
Thank you so much. Somehow the words just ‘came out’ maybe because I was writing exactly what I was feeling that day and although I had some reservations about publishing after I had actually read it, I’m glad now that I did. I will definitely keep listening and writing. Thanks for encouraging!