Self-Menace

Standing disoriented in the middle of nowhere

Wishing that I had been available for someone – anyone to care

But as I stand in wherever I know that I am alone

Having no place to truly call friendly – except mostly in my home

Because of my actions accompanied by a bad attitude

Not realizing the hurt of others while my disdain exudes

Negativity

I can’t see the forest for that giant tree

It seems to enjoy taunting…intimidating me

So much that I beg to be free

From the pain that I cause and the pain that I feel

Should my life move on now or forever be still

Will there ever by some miracle come another day

When forgiveness finally sinks in and ultimately makes its way

Into the hearts of the broken…retaliatory yet strong but not mean

Will we ever be witness to the real or just an idea of what it seems

To be in the now at a moment not captured in time

Shall I grotesquely err, or ultimately fall in line

With the mentality and routine of the judgemental masses

Or shall I Β obediently remain under the category of asses

Who cannot find or refuse to search out or travel their own winding path

Is it really us or them – somebody please do the math

Because I am stuck between a rock and a very hard place

In fear of revealing the shape of my body or the shame on my face

Due to the absence of ample self-esteem

Thinking that only therapists and patients understand what I mean

Deep down and in truth I embrace the better for sure

Knowing that it is solely my mind’s life – the victor holding the cure

For what I subconsciously dive headlong and choose to delve in

Sometimes it seems easier than fighting, pressing, and struggling to win

But putting all aside and being honest with myself

I find no importance in high status, pedigree or wealth

Happiness and peace are my true main goals

As my heart aches silently while sanity unfolds

Despite it all, I press on for a brighter day

Rolling with the punches – hearing my self say

It could be worse so be thankful for how it is

The self-menace quietly bears the load but freely opts in and still gives.

 

I’m not sure where this came from – it just came out, but in hopes that you will be inspired by this or some other, keep on in whatever you do!

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

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Aside

13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. devynstella
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 05:39:32

    I LOVE YOU! I’ve been battling with this, convoluted, tired, angry and powerless. this has got to be the best thing to my life right now. you are the best πŸ™‚

    Reply

  2. Charlene Woodley
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 06:10:50

    I am SO humbled by your comment as I truly look up to you and your writing. I am glad to have been able to touch your heart in some way…after all, this is one of the main purposes for what we do, but to be honest, after I was done writing, I didn’t even know if I wanted to hit the publish button because the poem seemed so dark. I do that quite a bit because I feel that way a lot so I went ahead and published, but thanks to you, I know that I did the right thing. THANKS and love you too! πŸ™‚

    Reply

  3. Christy Birmingham
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 07:14:51

    I totally get where you are coming from with this poem, Charlene. It’s the battle of trying to remember to be grateful but also getting into slumps of negative thinking. I’m pleased that at the end of the piece here it is the positive thought that wins! πŸ™‚

    Reply

  4. devynstella
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 12:32:29

    I know the hesitation that comes with clicking the public button. however, this was the best move. πŸ™‚

    Much Love

    Reply

  5. curtis woodley
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 12:44:50

    Keep writing even if you hit that writers block called me . Or us sometimes proud of you keep up the good work .:-)

    Reply

    • Charlene Woodley
      Jun 23, 2013 @ 20:33:00

      Well, what a surprise! Thank you dear husband…I will definitely keep your words in mind. Even when you become my ‘block’ you are still my rock and I deeply appreciate your support! πŸ™‚

      Reply

  6. rootstoblossom
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 12:56:52

    I loved this. Every word. I was moved by this, truly moved, and felt the pain, frustration, but also hope and strength.

    Reply

    • Charlene Woodley
      Jun 23, 2013 @ 20:09:30

      Your comment means a great deal to me as we identify with each other on so many issues. The way in which you express your own pain, frustration, and strength truly inspires me. You put it out there and you do it beautifully. I also love the way that you can tell when I’m having ‘one of those days’ and I am so glad that I overcame my apprehension about publishing this post. Never let go of the hope and much love! πŸ™‚

      Reply

  7. buildingalifeofhope
    Jun 23, 2013 @ 22:28:29

    This a huge statement born of gut honesty. The muse is burning strong!

    Reply

  8. ckisler
    Jun 29, 2013 @ 02:42:11

    “Is it really us or them – somebody please do the math
    Because I am stuck between a rock and a very hard place
    In fear of revealing the shape of my body or the shame on my face”

    I read this the other day and just came back to it, your voice rings so strong and true. This passage especially called out to me. Keep listening and writing!

    Reply

    • Charlene Woodley
      Jun 29, 2013 @ 04:30:22

      Thank you so much. Somehow the words just ‘came out’ maybe because I was writing exactly what I was feeling that day and although I had some reservations about publishing after I had actually read it, I’m glad now that I did. I will definitely keep listening and writing. Thanks for encouraging!

      Reply

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